He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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