Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
