Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
