Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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