Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
