Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Two words: nipple clamps
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