based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
