Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
