So drunk its hurt
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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