based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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