She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
