Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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