The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
