i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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