Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Terrible idea I love it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
