Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
