dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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