I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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