By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
