i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
do nipples grow back?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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