I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
