Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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