She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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