Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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