I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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