Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
