Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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