I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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