I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
