i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
