i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You made out with two different species that night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
