So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
