That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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