her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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