I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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