nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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