apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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