Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bring me that man meat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
