hell yes lets make some ravioli
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
