she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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