Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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