That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
