Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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