I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
