I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
