Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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