ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
