I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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