if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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