I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
