I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
