you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
