tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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