Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
