So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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