what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
