last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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