I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
