apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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