I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
two words: eviction party
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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