oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
