17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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