Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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