please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
