That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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