enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
