Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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