im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
