Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
