the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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