I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
