So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
