So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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