i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
