The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
