I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
