when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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