...so i touched it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the day after is always just damage control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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