It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
